im fine

i feel like i need a sign that reads----IM FINE TODAY_ DONT ASK! i mean really it is no ones fault. people dont know what to say or worse, how to act. do we treat her like she is dying or like she is our normal friend bri? does she really ever feel good or do we just ask anyway? well for the update- you dont have to ask and you dont have to be politacally correct. heaven knows i never am. you wont hurt my feelings if you act like im fine. and for the record as far as being in pain... i hurt everyday but only a dull pain and i really only hurt hurt when im in the hospital and then im so looped on drugs i would not remember if you asked anyway. or for that matter who you are at all.

my drainage tubes this summer

but i was happy to be home!

anger sadness and grieving

how can you be told that you have a disease that someday will kill you and that I'm sorry but there is nothing we can do for you? how can you spend every three months in the hospital and find out that you almost died a few months ago? how can you have this all happen and not have it change your life? how can you carry on in that same happy go lucky fashion you have? well i will tell you what ---you can't do it, things change and people change and you have to find the new you. a happy you, with disease and heart ache- but without letting anyone know any difference! and for those of you who love me---it takes a little time!

Lam for me is......

lam is 10-20 days in the hospital every 2-3 months. It is a heartbreaker and a rule maker. It is tons and tons of cysts in my lungs that prevent me from being the person I really want to be. But lam has made me who I am this year and to be matter of fact... I love who it is making me... strong and determined, closer to my father in heaven, to my family and friends. And I hate it for all it has robbed me from...family vacations, birthdays, events, weddings and gatherings. It has taken away my ability to be in control of life and my body... but lets be real, who is really in control of our lives??? We all know it is not us.