grrrrrrrr and hmmmmmpffff

i found this post in my drafts. it was written months and months ago but it still sums up how i feel. i have had family members repeat things like this to me and am so saddened that these folks used to be people i considered loving and my family.

warning…I am on a tangent today so if you don’t want to hear it…it’s best to jump to another blog post:)

frustration! complete! frustration!

my cute boss kimi had a client in her chair the other day at work. and this client has a forty five year old daughter with LAM. has had it 10years, is a single mom of a little girl from china whom she adopted the year after she was diagnosed. did I mention there has never been a dad? this amazing woman was given a death sentence and still adopted by herself! AMAZING! the client was telling kimi and I how her daughter isn’t doing good. she has always been a fighter, a business woman, a non-complainer and one tough cookie. kimi said that sounds like bri:) (not too sure bout that but I digress)…the client was getting misty eyed telling kimi how she is having to go on disability and is on full time oxygen. both things that are just the norm for a lam patient. kimi was SHOCKED. it’s not that she didn’t believe me but it’s hard to hear about someone being that bad when the person you know who has it seems so healthy and far away from that! poor kimi! what is said below has nothing to do with my adorable boss whom i love dearly and who understands me completely!

the frustration in all of this for me is that no matter how many times I tell someone I have this, I never feel like anyone really understands. I purposely tried to delete all pictures of me when I've been sick and am really making an effort of not talking about it. but just for a moment…I want to be understood… I don’t do anything for attention with lam, I don’t over exaggerate, stretch the truth, try to receive pity or directly try to get out of something because of this. I am a warrior, I get up every morning and do my best to live with what I have been given. so if you think I'm doing any of the above….lose my number, don’t be my friend, don’t consider us family and certainly don’t be two-faced and tell me you get it and then talk behind my back like this is some disease I asked for. like anyone wants to be given what I have to live with! don’t tell me you love me and you know how hard it is when you think it’s not tough and you think I'm ridiculous!