anger sadness and grieving

how can you be told that you have a disease that someday will kill you and that I'm sorry but there is nothing we can do for you? how can you spend every three months in the hospital and find out that you almost died a few months ago? how can you have this all happen and not have it change your life? how can you carry on in that same happy go lucky fashion you have? well i will tell you what ---you can't do it, things change and people change and you have to find the new you. a happy you, with disease and heart ache- but without letting anyone know any difference! and for those of you who love me---it takes a little time!